2.57am and its really a bad time to be doing stuff like thinking deep about the unknown because thoughts tend to run wild more so than any time of the day. Yet... I cannot bring myself to stop. Yes I need to stop. But I am so powerless, swept away by the emotions that dwell deep within me, causing me to lose all sense of logic.
Because I just know that some things aren't meant to be and some times... its my fault for not picking the right battle, my heart's fault for being stolen so easily, my senses fault for not being illogical before you, and my brain for being so weak.
So damn tired with socialising. So many problems which probably wouldn't have existed if we were still an all guys school.
Conflicted. I know its ok to have fun but at the expense of others, I cannot bring myself to do. Yet I am just a normal human, preaching great but doing shit. If only time can turn around, back to the one week before we got together, before anything happened. Even so, I'm sure things would have happened like how they would have eventually.
Because if there's no sign of reciprocity, its really hard to carry on and find the motivation to continue for you. But you are just as unpredictable like the weather, sunshine and the next moment a stormy rain.
But I know somewhere deep in my heart, deep down, where I just cannot bear to let go.. and all these years I have lived, making others the centre of my life. And I realise how difficult it is to push through and these kind of things will be frequent enough to kill the me inside.
And I still foolishly go on hoping, despite knowing what would eventually happen.
"My faith in you was.. failing..."
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