Change

Looking back at our old convos... Perhaps it is me who has changed. Everything has. It brings smile to my face and yet I feel like breaking down now.

Perhaps I would have preferred if you hadn't changed your phone. I would have been contented with receiving only one or two (out of your limited SMSes) once in a while. But the way things have changed, could be due to my immature confession when we both weren't ready for it. Perhaps... things could have turned out differently?

Have been getting jealous over wh??! idek but I'm becoming more irrational by the day. Paranoid. Uneasy. You were never mine to begin with, but you still mean so much to me. And I want and need to find the courage to move on. I need to talk to someone, but I realise I have no one I am comfortable in confiding with, aside from you. But even now, I'm having doubts about telling you things already.. because it'll just be a bother to you.

I hate myself. The weak me. The me who runs away from this reality - something I just refuse to accept.

I still miss the times when we talked at midnights, until one of us stopped replying cos we just fell asleep. I missed the times when you would tell me things, anything that you're uncomfortable with, uneasy with, and confided in me when you were low. But I guess the past is the past. and I have no idea how to carry on. I cannot give you up. But I'm feeling that I am bugging you too much and being an irritating pest/creep. I'm sorry.

You seem so near, yet so out of reach.

领悟 20/10

Maybe I was only in love with the thought of you, and not you. And yet I can't find myself distancing away from you..
One sided affection is just too painful to bear.

"But that little bit more, can hurt you so much more"



被爱是奢侈的幸福、可惜你从来不在乎 -领悟

不爱孤单、一久也习惯 - 没那么简单

暗恋的滋味、你不懂这种感觉

为你付出那些伤心你永远不了解、
我有何苦勉强自己爱上你的一切
你又狠狠逼退 我的防备
静静关上门来默数我的泪
為妳付出那種傷心妳永遠不了解

Unpublished 07/10

You say that  everyone has someone more important, but you don't realise that you are more important to me than anyone else.

And yet I hold back my words, I bite my tongue, and I die a little bit inside

impossible 25/9

Sometimes.... you just don't know when to try harder or to give up.

"She said its impossible" was the stinging sentence that reverberated in my ears. No wonder i slept for8 hours straight.

And guess who found out what he didn't have to in a time like this.

Disillusioned.

And i hate my heart whose job is to pump blood for getting involved in every single thing and.. i just want to give up. Go back to the days where i don't have to worry about stuff like this.

Im so immature