Contentment

Last week of school holidays and guess who's totally unprepared for school reopen? >_< Haven't done any revision yet and just going to school everyday just to study with friends because time spent with these bunch of people are really fun. Also, shared a 1 for 1 starbucks drink with her!!!!!!!! (so happy at such small things I'm so foolish but yes just let me indulge in this one-sided feelings and don't kill my hopes)

Came across this quote : " The first person you think of when you wake up and the last person you think of before you sleep is usually the reason why you are very happy or sad." And I can totally relate to this. Things have become less awkward between us since meeting up and going for tuition together (cos our tutor is really funny) and this kinda revived my hopes ><. For now I'll be contented with being beside her and waiting for her until we're both ready for it ( but if that time comes and I still get rejected then I'll really be disappointed but what to do hahaha)

Aaaaaand sometimes I think whether I'm bothering her too much and keep spamming her things and whether she will get annoyed at my retarded jokes and stuff ( trying really hard though) and so I just backspace the things that I was going to say. That said I actually spam her with a lot of stuff and sometimes I try really hard to keep the conversation going and try to generate topics of interest (yeah but she only replies me from time to time when she checks her phone so :< )

Maybe not only with her, but I'm afraid of being too annoying and mean to my friends. Like people love to call me Meandy and stuff and I agree that its purely out of joking and whatnot but most of the times I try to be really nice but... sigh* I guess its just my way of making friends since secondary school (but they were all guys so..) and it is only my exterior self that I choose to show people. I wouldn't say I am a very caring and thoughtful person but I guess I usually show that side of myself to those who open up to me first/ whom I'm close to.

On a side note, week 3 passed VERRRRY FAST ( maybe because of the times spent together with the class and her hehe) and theres 3 sessions this week :)) so I actually see her quite often these last two weeks maybe thats why.

Been feeling really distant with some of my classmates especially :x I mean a few have been rather close to me at one point and yeah, like what I heard :"sometimes people just drift apart for no good reason." As much as shes my prev crush and a really funny friend I find it really hard to start a convo out of nowhere with her and she sounds annoyed with me and just stops replying most of the time D: Praying that all turns out well..

19/06

Found the letter of encouragement from my class during council elections and was really touched and all the memories just flashed past my mind in an instant. Although I didn't get what I had hoped for originally,  I'm really glad to have gotten more than what I could have asked for.
I will continue with what little energy I am left with, so long as I stay true to my heart.
On a side note, I'm really feeling the pressure of blocks but not getting my revision done at all (haven't started on history and worst of csc ).. talk about being screwed hahaha one last week for the last stretch and once again can't emphasize more on how much I appreciate my friends' presence in the cold reading room (though silent). WE CAN DO THIS OOMPH ( b, bei, sherb, andre and even em and hy)

No matter how tired or sleepy I am, I wouldnt give up the chance to talk to you ; until I fall asleep right beside my phone waiting for a reply from you. 

Happiness

Really fun day today :)) Celebrated CH's birthday and hanging out with the econs trio was really really fun :D Looking forward to the remaining tuition sessions with the econs trio and I guess I'll wait until the end of A's before I even try again because I realise that it isn't really the best of time for me (and her too). For now I'll just look ahead and try to survive blocks and go to school and MUG for the remaining one and a half weeks (Time spent in school is really fun when u have companions and its not that lonely). Reading room has become my most frequented place outside of class bench now :)

Hmm maybe my first happy post?? I'll cherish what I have now and think about the rest later. TBVH I am really looking forward to school reopen and having classes with my awesome friends again! A12 hooray :D

First time ending off on a happy note :)) Life isn't all about romantic love and relationships hahaha :) Thankful for all the friends in my life and really grateful for the wonderful times I had with p3'10, b2'12 and a12'14 :)

Give up and let it go

"you got it wrong - please give up; please move on. it's not just the time; just don't go on hoping"

2348 170614


Time to really let it...go? But it isn't my choice and it isn't within my control hahahahhahahaha

Rejection is one of the reasons why some people deny their feelings

I wonder how long these feelings will remain

"I've come too far to turn around", and a friend told me "回头是岸". Not the first time she has approached me because I've posted emo stuff on twitter and cheered me up :') I really wanna say whats on my mind but I guess it might really be over and I'm going to make my second(not last) stand and try it all over again. Might be the first time I'm feeling like this and I feel like JC life has not been entirely the smoothest sailing journey of my life and I just wanna screw it up and everything now but over such a small thing... I'm so retarded hahahahah.

Lately, especially since coming to JC, I realised I have been using 'hahahaha' (long awkward laughters) too much too often. I have a really great bunch of friends though, its not their fault. It's mine. And perhaps, I might really prefer solitude.


Say you like me by We The Kings

I wish my heart was always on her mind.
'Cause she's on mine like all day, all the time.
Forget me not, forget me now.
I’ve come too far to turn around.
I’m here tonight.

'Cause I'm never going down,
I'm never giving up.
I'm never gonna leave,
So put your hands up.
If you like me,
Then say you like me.
I'm never going down,
I'm never giving up.
I'm never gonna leave,
So put your hands up.
If you like me,
Then say you like me.

maybe one day it'd be worth it.
please don't break me again
I'll wrap my hands around your neck so tight with love, love.

Have you ever just sat there and and read old conversations just cause you miss that person so much & you're not strong enough to tell them?
And the rollercoaster phase begins.
Hey if you really want to do that to me could you please not do it now, not when I need you most.
Sigh I can never get too attached
Cos when I do nothing good ever happens
That said, I'm sure I'd make the same mistake again and again
You know you're all I'm thinking of.

I should know better. Everytime I start waiting for the text it means the end is near

Feeling exactly like the you two years ago...

Black Friday

Saw it coming.

I thought my life couldn't get worse than the wednesday which I thought I had no chance.
But things always happen beyond my control and expectations.

I got a clear definite no. not that I confessed, but she told me shes not interested in a relationship and I am the one to pay for her troubled love debts from the past. Waiting for a reply but I don't think I have the guts to say what I have to say and I know that this is very selfish and I finally said it. Imposed the biggest burden and I don't know how it will work out for now.

Certainty and Uncertainty

Feeling like a lovestruck idiot right now. Been thinking too much about love and relationship since getting into JC and my grades are really suffering as a result. I don't know what is this feeling that stirs deep within my heart and causes me to think irrationally. But I guess these feelings are true or else I wouldn't be feeling it so much as compared to my previous crushes.

On a side note, I'm really glad to have someone to talk to and share my feelings with but there is only that much someone else can help me with. It still lies with my own actions and I really don't want to force the issue and disrupt this kind of peaceful and fun and enjoyable mini/brainless/leisure chats that we have everyday. Really thankful for these times and which I really cannot afford to lose.

I shall continue in my own way and hope for the best.

HTHT revelations
Learnt much more about the guys during our HTHT and it turns out that I'm not as perceptive as I think I am. There's the know it all haoyu who knows about everything I feel like I'm such a retard for thinking that I actually know our class well. Have to be more careful and cautious about other people whenever I say anything from now on.

It really pains to see that our class is not what we think it could turn out to be. Back in my NPCC days, our NCOs used to tell us that, the squad is only as strong as the weakest man, and our class bond is only as strong as the weakest link in the class. I seriously am at a loss at what to do, and what I can do is just so limited as an individual.

On the end note, I am really looking forward to book shopping tmr and the fun weekends to come!! Especially week 3 and 4 since I will get to see you more often!!!!!! Although these activities will be fun, I really cannot stand being separated from you and I really wish you would at least join us (or me ) in the activities.

Shall leave these aside and prepare for blocks!! JIAYOUS ANDY LOW.

Sometimes I get so excited and happy over small things when it comes to you.