Contentment

Last week of school holidays and guess who's totally unprepared for school reopen? >_< Haven't done any revision yet and just going to school everyday just to study with friends because time spent with these bunch of people are really fun. Also, shared a 1 for 1 starbucks drink with her!!!!!!!! (so happy at such small things I'm so foolish but yes just let me indulge in this one-sided feelings and don't kill my hopes)

Came across this quote : " The first person you think of when you wake up and the last person you think of before you sleep is usually the reason why you are very happy or sad." And I can totally relate to this. Things have become less awkward between us since meeting up and going for tuition together (cos our tutor is really funny) and this kinda revived my hopes ><. For now I'll be contented with being beside her and waiting for her until we're both ready for it ( but if that time comes and I still get rejected then I'll really be disappointed but what to do hahaha)

Aaaaaand sometimes I think whether I'm bothering her too much and keep spamming her things and whether she will get annoyed at my retarded jokes and stuff ( trying really hard though) and so I just backspace the things that I was going to say. That said I actually spam her with a lot of stuff and sometimes I try really hard to keep the conversation going and try to generate topics of interest (yeah but she only replies me from time to time when she checks her phone so :< )

Maybe not only with her, but I'm afraid of being too annoying and mean to my friends. Like people love to call me Meandy and stuff and I agree that its purely out of joking and whatnot but most of the times I try to be really nice but... sigh* I guess its just my way of making friends since secondary school (but they were all guys so..) and it is only my exterior self that I choose to show people. I wouldn't say I am a very caring and thoughtful person but I guess I usually show that side of myself to those who open up to me first/ whom I'm close to.

On a side note, week 3 passed VERRRRY FAST ( maybe because of the times spent together with the class and her hehe) and theres 3 sessions this week :)) so I actually see her quite often these last two weeks maybe thats why.

Been feeling really distant with some of my classmates especially :x I mean a few have been rather close to me at one point and yeah, like what I heard :"sometimes people just drift apart for no good reason." As much as shes my prev crush and a really funny friend I find it really hard to start a convo out of nowhere with her and she sounds annoyed with me and just stops replying most of the time D: Praying that all turns out well..