Change

Looking back at our old convos... Perhaps it is me who has changed. Everything has. It brings smile to my face and yet I feel like breaking down now.

Perhaps I would have preferred if you hadn't changed your phone. I would have been contented with receiving only one or two (out of your limited SMSes) once in a while. But the way things have changed, could be due to my immature confession when we both weren't ready for it. Perhaps... things could have turned out differently?

Have been getting jealous over wh??! idek but I'm becoming more irrational by the day. Paranoid. Uneasy. You were never mine to begin with, but you still mean so much to me. And I want and need to find the courage to move on. I need to talk to someone, but I realise I have no one I am comfortable in confiding with, aside from you. But even now, I'm having doubts about telling you things already.. because it'll just be a bother to you.

I hate myself. The weak me. The me who runs away from this reality - something I just refuse to accept.

I still miss the times when we talked at midnights, until one of us stopped replying cos we just fell asleep. I missed the times when you would tell me things, anything that you're uncomfortable with, uneasy with, and confided in me when you were low. But I guess the past is the past. and I have no idea how to carry on. I cannot give you up. But I'm feeling that I am bugging you too much and being an irritating pest/creep. I'm sorry.

You seem so near, yet so out of reach.